When Engulfed in Flames...(of fury!)
Sometimes I feel like the island nation of Cuba; everyone loves to hate and have serious firepower pointed at me, but in reality I pose a very little threat to the well-being of others. Sometimes I put up a stink and like to prove that although I am only a little threat, the size of a pin perhaps, constant pin-pricks are annoying and occasionally make you bleed. If I am lucky enough one day, maybe just maybe someone will get tetnis and die slowly.Normally I am not this angry or at least this blunt about being angry, but after sitting in a small undecorated room for 3 months pretending that I love my job more that anything in the world I am tired of the pretenses. There are a few things that have pushed me over the edge lately one being the fact that my husband stands up for everyone except ME, 2 there is a massive poop in the toilet in the office that has been sitting there FOREVER, and 3 a little prick that came our way via Miami.
Sometimes I feel like the island nation of Cuba; everyone loves to hate and have serious firepower pointed at me, but in reality I pose a very little threat to the well-being of others. Sometimes I put up a stink and like to prove that although I am only a little threat, the size of a pin perhaps, constant pin-pricks are annoying and occasionally make you bleed. If I am lucky enough one day, maybe just maybe someone will get tetnis and die slowly.Normally I am not this angry or at least this blunt about being angry, but after sitting in a small undecorated room for 3 months pretending that I love my job more that anything in the world I am tired of the pretenses. There are a few things that have pushed me over the edge lately one being the fact that my husband stands up for everyone except ME, 2 there is a massive poop in the toilet in the office that has been sitting there FOREVER, and 3 a little prick that came our way via Miami.
I love my husband don't get me wrong, but sometimes (mostly in the summer) I want to KILL him. Often I think that I wouldn't miss the things that he does like leave the toilet seat up at night which subsequently means that when I have to pee at 3AM I fall into the toilet. Lovely. OR the way that he folds clothes, Really Nadine? But the biggest thing that I would not miss at all not even a little, would be the fact that he takes everyones' side but mine! I HATE IT! When I am trying to make myself feel better about this little fact, I say to myself and I quote " It is only because he thinks that the other people need to be protected because they are weak, HE thinks that I am strong and capable and that I can do it on my own!" Which if I do say so myself...is true. I am independent to a fault, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't like my husband to be on my team every now and again. Just once I would like for him to hit the stupid piece of trash that decided to catcall me, or the ignorant prick that was mean to me. But apparently those are just day dreams because all I get for my troubles are phrases like "Dana, you should be nicer" or " I am sorry that he was mean to you, but life isn't fair!" WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WANTS TO HEAR THAT!? Not me! I want blood and guts and gore, not some pansy excuse as to why he will do nothing. I married a PACIFIST, great! He has redeeming qualities too. He cooks and for that I am greatful.
Moving on to the POOP. So about a month ago (give or take), someone takes a huge crap in the toilet and clogs it. Instead of the normal human reaction to lock the door, buy a plunger, fix it before anyone else notices something wrong; He covers it with toilet paper and LEAVES it!!!!! Now I realize that I have very little proof in the matter of naming the pooper, but this is not the first time that this someone has clogged this exact toilet and left it clogged thinking that someone less important will clean up his feces. Luckily the first poop dissolved and one day ( a week later) the toilet flushed! WHOHOO. Unfortunately this time we have not been so lucky. As mentioned before our pooper covered his mess with tons of toilet paper and the left the bathroom door open. Boys being boys and having abnormally small bladders decided that it would be a good idea to pee on top of the mess in the toilet, regardless of the fact that the toilet no longer has the ability to flush. RETARDS! I have asked and begged and pleaded and poked and prodded the Pooper to clean the mess. All he say is that there is no plunger and so he can't possibly clean it up. RIDICULOUS! He asked Brent (my pushover hubbie) to go and purchase him a plunger. He went to Wal-MArt and they didn't have one, Kroger didn't have one either. Now this load of crap has been sitting in toilet connected to the room that I have to sit in ALL DAY LONG, and it smells. It smells like a poorly maintained Zoo. Heather and I have kept the smell at bay with the bathroom fan and 2 bottles of Glade, but now the noxious fumes are escaping through the door! Pooper, we would appreciate it if you would please clean up your S#$& so that we can all breathe again. Just so you all can get a wonderful visual of the mess our pooper has created, I took the liberty of taking a picture (while dry heving). This picture is graphic and not for the faint in heart! Please someone have mercy, and clean up this toilet. There are flies! Vomit. 
Finally, the Prick. So Heather and I were working late (aka not getting paid) and we get a semi not so nice text message. The conversation went a little something like this:
Prick: "Hello!?? Did you get that!? A response would be nice......."
US: "Get what?" (very politely) No response for like 10 mins. so we thought that we would be a little mischievious.
US: " Hello!?? Did you get that!? A response would be nice........" Hehe we got an immediate response
Prick: "WTF...If you were trying to be funny you just failed miserably! That and you never answered my first question!!!!"
Well we didn't think that was very nice at all. So we meaning Me decided to do something about it. I called him and it went something like this
ME: " Listen small child! You do not get to behave in this way it does not help your situation in the least! We did not recieve whatever message you are freaking out about and if you were really so worried about it then you should have called us to verify that we had it!"
Prick: " I don't have your numbers!"
ME: " Bull! our numbers are plastered all over this office and have been since the beginning of the summer. It is not our responsibility to spoonfeed you everything! Plus you have a partner and they should have our numbers. Stop being an incompetent prick!"
THE END
Now I realize that I should not have spoken sternly with the prick, but he pissed me off late at night which everyone knows is a bad idea. Plus he sent Brent the text message and not us. poopoo on you. Maybe I should make him clean the toilet!
Prick: "Hello!?? Did you get that!? A response would be nice......."
US: "Get what?" (very politely) No response for like 10 mins. so we thought that we would be a little mischievious.
US: " Hello!?? Did you get that!? A response would be nice........" Hehe we got an immediate response
Prick: "WTF...If you were trying to be funny you just failed miserably! That and you never answered my first question!!!!"
Well we didn't think that was very nice at all. So we meaning Me decided to do something about it. I called him and it went something like this
ME: " Listen small child! You do not get to behave in this way it does not help your situation in the least! We did not recieve whatever message you are freaking out about and if you were really so worried about it then you should have called us to verify that we had it!"
Prick: " I don't have your numbers!"
ME: " Bull! our numbers are plastered all over this office and have been since the beginning of the summer. It is not our responsibility to spoonfeed you everything! Plus you have a partner and they should have our numbers. Stop being an incompetent prick!"
THE END
Now I realize that I should not have spoken sternly with the prick, but he pissed me off late at night which everyone knows is a bad idea. Plus he sent Brent the text message and not us. poopoo on you. Maybe I should make him clean the toilet!
No comments:
Post a Comment